Dante's Guide to Cybersex--Part II: Descriptive Writing

This is part II in a series of indeterminable length about cybersex. I'm writing it after having found very scant electronic resources discussing cybersex in a positive light, and fewer still talking about the nitty gritty and the nuances of this form of writing. (Oh, and I'm also being spurred on by encouragement and links from "Talking Dirty" and "Sexeteria". Thanks Katie & Sylvia Miss Syl for linking to Part I!)

There are some web pages that talk about cybersex in context of a cultural phenomenon, some that abhor the vices that accompany easily attainable pseudosex. And their commentaries are perfectly valid, but they leave open the entire nitche of "how" to have cybersex. "So what?" you ask. There are plenty of electronic "how-to" pages available with advice on writing erotica, using phone-text message shortcuts, drafting a dom/sub contract, correctly using trivial grammar rules, practicing ethical polyamory, and having good (or preferably great) sex. But there's very few places to find any hits as to the norms and expectations of cybersex. Mock it if you will, but in skilled hands I feel it's a fun, albeit lower class form of shared erotica, and that it is an art form that will eventually see its heyday. But back to task, as I stand before you not to praise cybersex, but to dissect it. Here goes, class:

Today, we will look at description in cybersex. Obviously since our medium is text it is important to use descriptive writing to appeal to the senses as in "higher" forms of erotica. But particularly in cybersex it can be a double edged sword in the wrong hand. So here are some rules, concepts, and things to bear in mind while "typing" the "virtual" pants off the "alledged" ladies:

1) A line should never be purely descriptive. You need to be in every sentence, and you need to do something, even if it's just a reaction. That way your partner will be able to react in turn, and so on. So never just write: I'm wearing a beer stained t-shirt, sweatpants, and white tube socks. Instead write: From my spot on the couch, I roll my t-shirt and sweatpants clad bod onto my side, to see if you're back with my Cheetos." Okay, don't write that either.

2) Don't tell; show. Obvious rule for any form of writing, but it's an important one not to forget. You should never use the word "69" for example. Instead, describe where your mouth is, where your partners is, and how they got there. And probably not all in one sentence; build your way there. Same goes for "sex", "bondage", "spanking", "orgasm", or any noun that's better replaced by the descriptive verbs that build up the concept.

3) Less is more. I know, my blog tends to ramble, so I'm one to talk, but being concise is somewhat key. A comma filled list of adjectives only tends to slow and clutter communication.

4) Make descriptions match your partner's fantasy. Guys, this means don't whip out a 10" penis. That's your fantasy, not hers, and frankly your candidness is embarrassing. Women on the other hand, feel free to give us an oversized dick. In fact, the more you describe about yourself, simply guessing at your partner's fantasies, the less you will conform to your fantasies. If you tell just tell a guy you're taking your bra off, by default (in his mind) your breasts and nipples will be the "right" size.

5) Don't skimp on the decor. It's a good way to start early on, by setting the scenery you can set the game--be it romantic, erotic, BDSM, role-playing, or something else. It can also be a way to position props you want your partner to use. By alluding to a dewy meadow, a sturdy oak headboard, a hottub, a jungle gym, candles, shag carpeting, bucket seats, a vat of pudding, etc. Again, even in a sentence mostly describing the scene, put yourself in it. Example: I pass the rows of desks toward the blackboard near where you're at your large desk grading papers and I tremble realizing you've already taken 'the board of education' off the wall behind you, trumps In a classroom with rows of desks and a blackboard you're sitting at your desk with a large paddle in hand. Agreed?

6) Describe your reaction. A low level film trick is when someone is delivering a line, the camera will often be on the other person, capturing their reaction. You should never just type: I'm so turned on or any common variation. That may fly in phonesex, where good delivery can bolster poor dialog, but not here. Give yourself facial expressions, pants and moans, bite your own lip, tug against your restraints, or do anything else to show appreciation. This is also a good cop-out for not having anything to add to the story.

7) Mind your language. You probably think this is only a guy warning, but I've had a woman (ex-girlfriend even) who, although she'd never begun to talk dirty in bed, had no problem during cybersex referring to the critter between her legs (really virtually anything would work better here) as her "cunt." "Oh really?" I wanted to respond, "And what did it ever do to you to make you speak so ill of it." (And don't even though you could cite Vagina Monologues and tell me that the word's now part of female empowerment. I know the lady, and god help her she ain't that bright or empowered.) Anyway, just because your partner's willing/wanting cybersex doesn't mean they're turned on by shear vulgarities. As a rule of thumb, try to mirror the coarseness of your partners language and err on the safe side--alright, especially if you're a guy.

That's all for now, class. For homework read the following pages and be prepared to discuss improvements that could have been made for each cybersex session.